Fleeting vs. Abiding | Love Yourself Linkup

If every person who ever thought they needed to change something to be prettier, felt one hundred percent loved--all of the time--would they in fact still feel the need to change? When I came across these words by Kate Wicker, from Weightless: Making Peace with Your Body, I had this moment where if you were there, you may have seen a lightbulb hovering over my head. And this strand of words, it continues to get me thinking: How can we love ourselves and others more fully, so as not to feel the need to change ourselves to be prettier, to change ourselves to the norm of our culture, to change ourselves because it makes us waiver less in our ability to fit in. If wanting to feel loved is the root of self-worth, body image, and our drive to change, then let's consider how it is we need to better feel loved and better love another. 

I am struck with the fact that I need to love others better, while facing straight on my need to love myself deeper, too. I've rolled around with how loving others goes hand in hand with loving yourself, over and over, this past month since writing about it. Truth, it doesn't get any simpler: the root of our desire to change is a desire to be loved. So do we really want to bear the mark, and the trial to reach unattainable standards, of physical beauty--wasting life's moments for something ever fleeting? Or do we want to bear the internal mark of learning to love others and ourselves more purely--relying on each other, and God, to purposefully teach us, investing life's moments on something abiding?

Wander Over

Friends. After a day at the airport waiting for our delayed flight yesterday, then making it home safely, I was up all night with foods poisoning. Ugh. So, I'm playing hooky from the blog today and sending you elsewhere to read some pieces by other bloggers and writers from over the past few weeks. Wander over and enjoy their talent.

// Anne Taylor, who hosts the Love Yourself Linkup each week, has this way of being transparent and real even amidst struggles and recovery. She is so brave to write about the inner workings of her spirit. Read her article on Prodigal Magazine, It's Too Bad I'm Fat, here.

// This darling pin cushion diy over at Poppy Haus totally caught my eye. 

// Stephanie May doesn't seem to miss how the simplest things are the most beautiful in life. Read more of the Loveliest Things here and explore her writing collection over at The Lipstick Gospel.

// This  small bloom by Christina Kwan is just so pretty.

// I just love how my friend Natalie is styling her summer outfits lately. Like shorts and tops, layered necklaces, and Sseko sandals. And how refreshing is it to see modesty meet fashion and brands that empower women.

// Ashlee Chu reminds us that we need to embrace our beauty in this piece over at All Things Beautiful. After I read the article, I left asking myself the question, "Am I resting in the beauty I was created with?" Such a sweet sweet reminder that I am beautiful, and you are beautiful.

// Have you met Allie? She has two videos up on her blog I just loved watching today. One, a flower crown tutorial, the other, a lovely little inspiration video with lace, a vintage trailer, and dainty details. 

Notes from a Swimmer / 2

ABOVE // I just love this Synchronized Swimming piece by Jeannie Phan from her book Nature's Collections. How pretty the shapes are! As a little girl my friends and I would attempt to choreograph our own synchronized swimming routines. That in addition to underwater hand stand contests. My goodness how difficult that sport is -- synchronized swimming not under water handstands (although, my husband my beg to differ). 

BELOW // How stunning would a print like this Underwater view of Triathalon Swimming be in a room needing some graphic pop? I'm thinking a similar vibe to Jenny's laundry room and the way she used a black and white print to bring interest into the space (not that it wasn't interesting in all other areas of design! )

Wooden Bib Necklaces, Part II

After making the natural wooden bib necklace last week, I could not get enough. I mean, seriously, this is my favorite necklace right now. So I made another. And another. Are you catching on? I used up all of the wooden beads in my path. ALL of them. Colored beads, and natural beads. All wooden and chunky and glorious. I couldn't be happier with what a little wax thread and wooden beads can become. Take a look! For the tutorial, hop on over the Part I, here.

Beauty the Action

Someone once told me "The best part of beauty is that which no photograph can express."

Beauty, and its best parts, are an action. Beauty is an outpouring of the within. Though our world likes to tell us otherwise, with style and grace being solely about the exterior--style and grace can only be beautiful if the inner linings match. I recently wrote and asked "what squeezes out of your life?" In the very same respect, the things that one lives passionately about, would do anything for, and over else are consumed by (all things that squeeze out of one's life)--they all have so much sway on beauty. 

Beauty is an action. True beauty shows up in unexpected places, as kindness, service, gratitude, joy, selflessness, love, and humility. It shows up in forgotten places, like among 20 homeless woman staying at an overnight shelter, laughing and caring for each other because they are thankful they have enough. It shows up on camping trips where make-up and hairstyles are long forgotten, and a small tent and fire become luxuries, while we sit and share parts of ourselves under the expansive sky. Beauty shows up in the workplace when two coworkers take a break from the work work work mentality to get to know the heart of their colleague. It shows up when we least expect it to. Beauty, and its best parts, cannot be primped and prepped for. It cannot be applied through concealer, a curling wand, and that perfect little black dress. Although these things may bring on some style and grace, this is not what defines beauty. It is the action that comes from within that makes the beautiful show up.

For the Choose Beauty Linkup, started over at Thoughts by Natalie, I want to set the stage for what I will be writing about. A stage where beauty, at its finest, cannot be expressed by a visual. A stage where beauty is a way life is lived, and a way that other's experience it. Something that a photograph cannot express, but hopefully words can describe.

Print-Like Denver Oil Painting

For our four year anniversary this past May, I painted Matt his gift, rather than buying it. The man loves maps, so I set out to make a print-style oil painting of the state of Colorado. With a heart placed over the very spot we now call home: Denver.  

This piece of art has been a long time coming. Two words: oil paint. If you've used oil on canvas, you know that oil takes patience and time. So much time. So much patience. And so much mess. (Oil based paints are my favorite thing to clean....said no one ever). The day I set out to paint this print-like map, I wanted to have the piece done and setting in our living room within 24 hours. Talk about setting way too high of expectations for myself. That, let alone trying to defy the properties of oil paint. I'm fairly certain this canvas sat on our kitchen counter for more than 24 days. Ha, 24 hours? Who was I kidding. Between the layers and the waiting for everything to dry between applications-- well, let's just say this canvas has been waiting to join the others for far too long now. 

Renewed to Risk | Love Yourself Linkup

After writing about risks and relationships this past weekend, my heart was opened to something else entirely. Countless times, I have been stunted in my ability to take risks in relationships, both shiny new relationships and rusty worn in loved relationships, because I didn't love myself fully. And when I lack love for myself not only are risks not taken: relationships are held back, insecurities bulldoze anything in their path, and experiences are completely missed. Can you relate?

I could write about a handful of times that loving myself (a lack thereofe) has held a relationship back or made me miss out on community and growth. But I'm not. I am going to write about just one relationship. Here comes the vulnerability part. I have missed taking the most risks, lately, in the one relationship that I had to take the biggest risk to get from the very start. My relationship with Matt. The biggest risk I took was when I met Matt and opened my heart to him. After scars and hurt and shame from a pretty broken relationship before that, opening my heart was something that took time. It was a long road coming, falling for him: first meeting at a social, a year of me completely oblivious, Matt basically giving up on ever dating me, feelings blooming and changing, and the leap of faith to be honest and true about the relationship that was being cultivated. I took the biggest risk of my life when walking on the Cal Poly campus one night, I decided to tell him that I liked him. And his response, "I have liked you since I met you." Then the second biggest risk of my life was when I told him about the hurt from my past and the decisions I regret. And his response, "You are still the same person, and I still choose you."

And there have been countless leaps of faith with the man I love since our days of dating, to being engaged, to saying "I do", to figuring out life just us. But in the same light, there have been countless times where I didn't risk stepping out of my comfort zone, even with the person I am the closest with over everyone else, because I didn't love myself fully. I let my insecurities about my body, my intellect, my goals, or my heart win, in so many instances, that I missed out on a lot of the little things in our marriage. Like times I could have laughed out loud and rolled something off my back, risking loosing my stubbornness for just one moment, rather than getting angry or cold hearted. Or times I could have been honest and vulnerable about my lack of love for my body, risking the chance to be loved in return, rather than being hesitant in a moment of intimacy. Or times I could have chosen to extend myself grace to better love my husband, rather than feel embarrassed. These are the little risks I have missed out on. And in return, I have lost a lot of wonderful moments. And by no means is this the picture of our relationship. Matt is my person, and I am his, forever--and we have joy, and love, and all these life-giving things. But the truth? It hasn't all been sunshine. And an even greater truth? A lot is due in part to my stance on loving myself fully. Me loving me, flaws and all. 

How I love myself -- well -- loving myself completely translates to my ability to fully love Matt. And loving myself is more often than not the sole determining factor of whether I risk something daily in order to grow in our relationship and build up the amazing gift that we have--our marriage. 

Am I making sense? (When you go down the road of vulnerability, sometimes it doesn't write like poetry or a book on its way to publication. Sometimes it looks like words on a Scrabble board just trying to fit together.)

There have been so many moments in our marriage where I have opted out, heart and mind, from taking risks because of the way I felt about myself. Maybe it was my mood. Maybe it was my self-perception. Maybe it was a comment that I internalized to the extreme. Oh how I wish I could go back and love myself more fully in those moments so that I could love Matt more deeply. Because of my lack of love for myself in the past, my relationship was held back, insecurities tried to break us down (and at times did), and experiences were completely missed.

So today, certainly, I am still in the process of learning to love myself fully. Learning how to deal with anxiety for example. And in loving myself fully, learning to love Matt the way I am supposed to -- unconditionally -- and taking risks to grow parts of our relationship that have been stunted in the past by my insecurities and shame. And I can already say, that in this process, my heart is being renewed. Renewed.

And it is a wonderful thing.

Has loving yourself ever held you back from relational risk taking? How did you learn (or are learning) to love yourself and take risks again?