Thoughts on Age and Beauty

I'm finding that with age, beauty comes along with it. Not just because smile lines around my eyes mean that I've experienced joy, or sun spots that used to be considered freckles reflect sun kissed moments - what I mean is that with age, I am learning how to allow myself to truly embrace my beauty. The beauty that was there all along, but I allowed comparison, and "I'm not enough", and all the other lies to cast a shadow on--that beauty--I can see it and I can feel it more than I could ten years ago. With age, I am better able to appreciate what it is that makes me uniquely me. Beauty comes with the years I add to my life, because with age I am more equipped able to ward off lies that try to tell me I'm not something. When really, I am something -- something beautiful. Someone beautiful. Inside and out.

And you know what? It's taken time and a transforming of my heart to see it. But I'm finding that with getting older, and with a community of women who focus on true beauty (like Natalie, Anne, Allie) rather than all the rest of superficial things that this world can focus so closely in on, that I'm welcoming age with open arms because wrinkled hands and a grey hair, to me, means a straighter aligning of my understanding of the beauty that is within. The beauty that really matters.

photo taken by Jenna, in Breckenridge after a Spring mountain adventure in which I felt truly alive and beautiful despite dirty hair and freezing hands

What My Sister-In-Law Has Taught Me About Beauty

She said something striking, as we sat in our slumber party form, girl talk in the air and opened lingerie boxes scattered about, "I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to change my body. He knows  me and what I look like, why would I change who I am just for my wedding day?" My sister-in-law, three weeks away from saying "I do" to her best friend, spoke it loud and clear, right there at her Bachelorette party: Why would anyone change who they are, wedding day or whatever the occasion, just to appease the crowd? What's even the point? And why do we, as women, and maybe especially more so as bride's to be, try to change ourselves?

Spinning and Free | Love Yourself LinkUp

I just ate three cookies--in a row. I have no time to write. I'm behind on my work. Going to the gym is nonexistent and out of the question. I've slacked on my quiet time. My closet is begging to be cleaned. The food in my fridge is expired. And I seriously have swiffered my house every day yet dog hair is still everywhere.  Loving myself in this state, well, let's just say it isn't easy! And normally, loving myself even a little in a place like this would be impossible. But I honestly think that writing about loving myself, working through loving myself, and focusing on being vulnerable and honest has truly changed my heart. Because, you guys, I'm not having anxiety today. I'm not freaking out. I haven't had a panic attack, even now, when I feel like my world is spinning. So, although I don't have time to write a long one today, I just wanted to say thank you to the woman who have been writing and reading with the linkup each week. Because its truly healing. And me, today, in my spinning world, anxiety free and just a little crazy--but good crazy--well that is something to shout out loud about!

watercolor via  Elizabeth Mayville

Why so serious?

 Raise your hand if you can say this is true about you: I take myself too seriously. 

Perhaps my hand is the only one raised, but I completely fall guilty of taking myself way too seriously at times. And while being serious and being my harshest critic can be helpful in areas like hard-work, focus, and drive, it can also monumentally hurt that area of true beauty that comes out in the form of laughter, being goofy, and extending myself grace. More than anything, being married to a someone who once proclaimed as a child that he wanted to be a comedian, has clearly pointed at the fact that I do not laugh at myself enough. That I can take life too seriously. Why is this? While the pensive, reflective, perfectionist that I am is thankful for this trait in part, there has always been a side of me that wants to nurture the silly a bit more, and choose to take myself less seriously--especially in adulthood. I think it goes hand in hand with intentionally choosing beauty--intentionally choosing to let go of the "put together" facade and just bask in being ridiculous when ridiculous calls. I know it may sound strange, but I think "gracefully goofy" is something so charming. You goofballs out there, you not taking yourself so seriously--you are gorgeous in doing so (and I admire you)! I know I need to allow that beautifully silly part of me out more than I do. I feel most beautiful when I can laugh at myself and let that serious part go. What about you, will you laugh at yourself a little more this week?

Phenomenally | Choose Beauty

These words by Maya Angelou resound true beauty. They resound confidence. They are words spoken from a woman who chose to love herself, know herself, and celebrate it. I am reminded today of those things that make me a woman. A woman, not just familiar or ordinary, but a woman, phenomenally so.

Confidence is the sexiest thing, Etc. | Love Yourself Link Up

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We've read these words before: Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear. Quotes like this one are pinned all over Pinterest, strung as pretty font across beauty blogs, and written on pink sticky notes near mirrors in teenage girls' bedrooms. But in the eyes of our culture, the line between confidence and external beauty is significantly blurred. The separation of which comes first is confused, especially in a dialogue where magazine covers and media try to convince us to believe that if we-just-wear-this or look-just-like-that or loose-ten-pounds then confidence is guaranteed. If confidence is truly the sexiest things a woman can wear, why do external adornments have such a grip on us?

At the Intersection

We were standing at the corner of the intersection, me balancing on my seven speed townie while he stood adjusting his baseball cap and gripping the handle bar of his road bike. The sun glistened, my eyes slivers as they squinted to see if the signal was telling us to cross. I reached up and touched my still damp hair from an afternoon swim, which was twisted up into an uneven top knot. I realized I must look a bit disheveled, knowing I hadn't ever looked in the mirror that day to conceal blemishes or add a hint of blush. Glancing over, he was still there, adjusting his hat and bike wheels slightly rolling. Even his sunglasses couldn't hide the brightness of the sun, and I could see my reflection staring back at me as soon as he looked my way.

Me: "I'm sorry I look a mess"

Him: "What do you mean?"

Me: "I haven't put any make-up on and haven't touched my hair since my swim. I'm sure I look less than pretty."

Him: "I didn't even notice you had no make-up on. I never really notice."

Me: "What..."

Him: "You are pretty with or without. You're the same."

Up until that moment at the intersection, bikes and a picnic dinner were our sole mission. Whizzing through neighborhoods, sun beaming down, lies about my appearance hadn't been let in. I had forgotten about my disheveled top knot, lack of beauty products, and uncoordinated outfit. And it felt good. In those moments leading up to my apology at the intersection, adventure was winning, true beauty had the upper hand, and lies were not seeping in. But the moment I saw my reflection, the moment I was reminded that I may not look so put together, adventure stopped winning and a lie got the best of me. A lie that caused a gut reaction to apologize to my husband--apologize for not looking pretty because I hadn't washed my face or put on make-up. A lie that told me, because I didn't hide a blemish or rouge my cheeks, that I was a mess.

And what a lie this lie was. 

What's Eating You? | Love Yourself Linkup

As part of the Love Yourself Linkup today, my friend Serena, who I have known through adventures in being housemates and Bible studies since our college days, is sharing part of her story. 

In my struggle with body image, it wasn't until I realized what was really bothering me about myself that I was able to begin to overcome.

A man named Paul once said, "Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." I had heard the verse many times before, but found myself hitting the gym and planning my next diet all the same. I was trying to conform to what society told me was right. The weight loss was never very much and it was only achieved by a diet and lifestyle I knew I wouldn't maintain. In fact, I knew it would only be a matter of time until I gained it back, plus some.