Confidence is the sexiest thing, Etc. | Love Yourself Link Up

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We've read these words before: Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear. Quotes like this one are pinned all over Pinterest, strung as pretty font across beauty blogs, and written on pink sticky notes near mirrors in teenage girls' bedrooms. But in the eyes of our culture, the line between confidence and external beauty is significantly blurred. The separation of which comes first is confused, especially in a dialogue where magazine covers and media try to convince us to believe that if we-just-wear-this or look-just-like-that or loose-ten-pounds then confidence is guaranteed. If confidence is truly the sexiest things a woman can wear, why do external adornments have such a grip on us?

Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear, we tell ourselves, but then we still struggle to separate confidence and external beauty. We have difficulty peeling the two apart, and wrapping our minds around what true confidence really is. I know I'd be fooling myself if I said that my confidence has never been bumped up or down by something external--a new dress, a good hair day, a blemish, yadda yadda.

Why do we still get stuck in the muck of trying to find confidence from external things? Even when we preach that confidence comes from within, and that confidence cannot be purchased?

These thoughts keep me up at night. I'm serious. And what I am learning, is that my own understanding of confidence is not fully developed. My definition of confidence is subtly influenced by the culture in which I live. And even if I tell myself that external beauty has no hold on the overflow of my spirit and the confidence within, in my weakness I default to what my culture has told me--a blurred line where  separating confidence and external beauty can seem impossible. What I'm figuring out is that I need a "not of this world" perspective. Because this kind of perspective is where clarity shows up, unblurring the line, and reminding me of what true beauty and true confidence really look like.

What confidence looks like, and how it is lived out, is so much related to a perspective that goes against the grain. In my quiet times, I've been slowly going through Proverbs 31--about the wife of noble character (slightly overwhelming at first, if I'm going to be frank, am I the only one who feels this way?). I know I want to understand this "not of this world" perspective more clearly. I want to live it out. And specifically, this week, the part about confidence.

So what is it about confidence? True confidence? Where does it come from? The Proverbs 31 woman has taught me this: Her confidence is not lacking & Others have full confidence in her. Nowhere does the Proverbs 31 woman live confidently because of external beauty. Nowhere are others confident in her because of external beauty. Although she may have been beautiful in the eyes of others, there is that clear distinction that confidence comes from a completely different source--a relational one. Others have full confidence in her because she has full confidence in God. And she has full confidence in God because she invests time in that relationship. And she loves herself fully because of that confidence in seeing herself the way God does.

I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman, with that kind of confidence. I want to be the woman who can distinguish the blurred line, and not default to the disjointed relationship between confidence and beauty our culture depicts. I want to be the woman, that, when others meet me, I am beautiful because of the overflowing confidence built on my relationship with the one who knitted my inner most being. So this is where I'm starting: in my quiet time. A quiet time where I can invest in my relationship with God. Invest and  develop a truer understanding of confidence apart from external conditions. I want to start each day wearing the confidence I gain from meeting with my maker--and that, ladies, is the sexiest thing a woman can wear.

photo via Gabriela Herman

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The Love Yourself Linkup is an ongoing series that focuses on topics such as self worth and body image. A community of woman talk about our thoughts on these subjects, tell stories of our personal experience, share what has inspired us, challenged us, and more. Learn more over at Anne the Adventurer!