The Harvest Festival

If you didn't know, I work at a school. For various reasons, I don't share much about what I do there, as I tend to keep all of that for in person conversation. And mainly, I don't talk about it because of the privacy factor--both for the company I work for and for the families I work with. So, relative to my day job, this blog doesn't see much of the ins and outs of my role as Educational Coordinator. And that's okay :) But sometimes, we plan really fun events, and I get to transform the school for whatever festival or parent partnership event we are doing that day. And with the teachers' help, we provide really enriching experiences for the children. Today is one of those days. It is Harvest Festival Day! You may remeber this moment on Instagram a few days ago. It was all in prerpation for today's festivities. Pies, pumpkins, and a collaborative of carnival games will ensue this afternoon. And although I don't share much about my day job, I thought just a glimpse with a few (not so high quality) photos into today would give you a taste of what I do. Happy Halloween!

An Afternoon Perspective.

Without even knowing if the season will bring rain or drought, the farmer plants his crop. I long to be like the farmer, don't you? To have enduring faith, and yet to even know if drought comes, harvest may still come elsewhere or next year. So what about you. If you knew that tomorrow would go to pieces, would you still plant your "apple tree"?

Donate a Bra | Free The Girls

You probably have figured it out by now that I'm pretty passionate when it comes to advocating for underprivileged women. So when Dave shared the vision behind Free the Girls at church this past Sunday, I wanted to find out even more about the non-profit, and how this organization has turned the second hand clothing market in Mozambique, namely reselling bras, into a business endeavor that empowers women coming from extremely abusive situations and the world of sex trafficking. And after reading more, I knew I had to tell you about it. Not only is the non-proft giving job opportunities to women rescued from sex trafficking, but they are being sensitive to these woman who have been so taken advantage of, even worse than we can fathom, by having their work be mainly focused on a female market --selling bras-- with female mentors alongside them.

SO WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?

Currently 27 million men, women and children are being held as slaves around the world— more today than in any other time in history. 80% of those slaves are women and girls. There are a number of amazing organizations that are helping to rescue these women out of a life of prostitution, but what happens after they are rescued? Many safe houses and aftercare facilities are doing great work in providing comprehensive rehabilitation and educational opportunities to survivors, but often their resources are limited.

OUR SOLUTION

By partnering with safe houses and after-care facilities, we provide an opportunity for women rescued from sex trafficking to earn a living selling second-hand clothing while going to school, getting healthy, and caring for their families.

WHY BRAS?

"Let’s face it, ladies: the back of your underwear drawer is most likely a graveyard of bras you don’t wear anymore or that never fit right in the first place...

Creative Space & A Saw Horse Desk

I have been reflecting a lot lately on who God has created me to be. When I think back to my little girl memories, and the things I would pour myself into and spend my time doing (because as a young girl your agenda is to play and explore the world and nothing should stop you) what my eyes are re-opened to is this image of me with a pencil, a paint brush, glue, scissors, paper, and whatever else I could find to make things with. I spent "me" time drawing, making, and in a child-like manner designing. Before the busy-ness and demands of life came swopping in, this was my priority. letting my artistic inside come out, reservation free. So when I reflect on how God has knit my inner most being, this is so much at the core. A part that will always be there. 

For a long time now, years really, I have made this creative core something to be put on pause. Until recently, I hadn't picked up a paint brush for 5 years. Because drawing, painting, designing, or making--I was jaded into not making them a priority. Even though, the core of who I am longs for these things. The world for a long time negated me when it came to the arts, and told me that to be successful, to contribute to society. An I believed it, feeling guilty when I'd lock myself away from the world to spent time in my artistic element. I've realized, though, I am my best and I am my happiest when I can create and have the space to do so. One space being this blog, and another a tangible work space. And not just any space, but a retreat of sorts--a place that can be away, free of guilt, and full of artistic potential.

WEAR | A Dose Of Sunny

Dress // Anthropologie Sale    Tights // LOFT    Boots // Thrifted

 7 For All Mankind Rain Slick // Marshalls   Lipstick // NARS Red Lizard 

In Denver, they say if you don't like the weather, wait a day. So I waited. I liked the snowfall that showed up last week, but my body (who's been battling a chest cold) likes warm sunshine most. If bright warm sun couldn't cure my cold, bright red lipstick would. I was convinced (and still am). So the weekend better hurry back. I am ready for another dose of sunny, another coat of lipstick, and another non-work day to wear my tattered cowboy boots.

Just Sing

There is a line in the song Just Sing, by Paper Bird, that speak louder than any other words in the song. And each time the lyrics play, my eyes swell and thunk goes my heart. The words go " If your heart is beating, or if your heart is beaten up...just sing." 

The reason my heart goes thunk when I hear Esme sing these words, it that my heart, however passionate, driven, and cared for it really is--it does feel a bit beaten up some days. Or at least, my heart feels more vulnerable to switch from a life giving steady beat to a state that needs rest and mending. This is the symptom of ongoing anxiety.

I am still learning how to mend it. And just when I think I have figured it out, and I let loose my grip on the Lord, carrying the weight of my anxiety by myself, I falter. 

Just this past Saturday, my jubilant beating heart took a falling, and turned into ugly panic. It's been months since I've had a panic attack--yet a few days ago I was reminded of how human I am, and how dependent and in need I am for the unconditional love of a Savior. Because, like I said, I am on the mend, and my heart is vulnerable when it comes to these things. What triggered my panic, and left me with a beaten up heart, is not even important in what I've come to realize. Because the common thread, for me, is when I step in front of God, and think I have it under control without Him (cue: lack of prayer & lack of praise...) Whether I let feelings from my past creep in, lies take over my thoughts, or overwhelming guilt win--one thread remains common: when God is at the center, panic dissipates | when I am at the center, panic escalates. 

So this is where the other part comes in. Just sing, the song goes. To me, in this state of recovery, of mending and healing, of surrendering anxiety, guilt, depression, regret, worry, built up lies and all other things -- singing, or worship, or prayer: that is all I know how to really do, and what I need to do. When left with a broken or beaten up heart, one can always just sing (no matter how sad, off key, or full of sobbing the song may be it may be).

I write these things not to bring pity, or to bring concern, or worry. Because truly, I am happy. I am blessed beyond belief. My heart is beating, and my song is one that more often than not is light and cheery. But some days, I sing because my heart is beaten up. And I sing a different song--one of hope and longing, as to mend, and to rest my weary heart.

The song continues on, "If your heart is beating, or if your heart is beaten up, or if your rolling down a long winding track, and you don't believe in luck--just sing." 

Thunk.

The Day Before Snowfall

There is something magical about the day before the first autumn snowfall. More cold to breathe in, brighter colors contrasting the greyish sky, and extra crunch to the leaves under foot. Without knowing it, I captured that magical day, and without truly knowing the snow would greet me the next morning. And although I did not truly know this was the day before our first real autumn snow, I think the grass knew it. And the still of the lake seemed to hint at it. And perhaps the lens of my camera saw the subtle signs that elude to snowfall. The sky surely knew, as its hidden clouds gave its snow one last embrace before letting loose to cover the colorful traces of autumn below, and cap the mountains like delicious ice cream toppers. But my eyes could not see it. The magical thing about the day before the first autumn snow is that it is really a feeling. Its something that if you pay close attention, you feel it move. You sense the subtle difference, yet you may not be able to say what that is exactly. And you feel it in your gut. I think this is true with so many things. So much of what is happening right in front of us we can't see. But if we stop to sense it, and slow everything else to try and pay closer attention, then that's when the magic shows up.

These photos were taken while walking around City Park, in Denver, CO.

Jar It Up

Jars aren't really new on the scene, but we never tire of unconventional (or conventional) uses for them. Whenever I find myself staring a vintage jar or container face on at a thrift store, there is no way of stopping me from adding it to my basket. Matt probably thinks I'm a nut with the amount of Mason Jars we've collected. But you can use them in so many ways! The latest jar I picked up was while shopping for multitudes of teacups back in August. This jar seems authentically old, even the metal clasp sings vintage. And I love the french "Le Parfait" across the front. This jar, now sitting in our kitchen, has become the bar of soap jar.

And just in case you have a few jars and containers laying around needing innovation:

>> Dye mason jars a vintage blue or stripe them gold.

>> Make a sewing kit, or any clever kit for a cute gift (or for yourself...)

>> No bathroom drawers? Jars are a serious life saver.

>> Collect and cluster as hanging light pendants.

>>Oh, these super cute match jars? Yes, please.

>> Add a pop of color to your pencil or paint jar.

>> Organize, label, and stow away spices

>> Create dainty lace tea lights.

WEAR | A Red Hat for the Alley Cats

Pom Pom Hat // Burton   Polkadot Button Back Blouse // LOFT (similar) 

 High Wasted Skinnies // Madewell    Leather Boots // Steve Madden

We spent the entire afternoon in Boulder last Saturday with Matt's parents. After a day of walking about Pearl Street, swooning over old maps and prints at a really neat shop, lunch at Pizzaria Locale, and surprise early birthday shopping trip to Anthropologie, we had a little down time before cooking in, and spending quality time all together in our home (and making palisade peach oatmeal crisp!)

During the in between, I whisked Matt out to our back alley to take a few photos of the outfit I wore that day. The cold hit a bit later, so Boulder didn't get to see this red hat, but the alley cats did. All twelve of them. (Oh and this hat! So soft and slouchy I cannot even begin to describe. It makes cold weather just feel so good. Invest in a great hat that you love this fall/winter. The ten dollars I spent on this pom pom number? Worth. Every. Penny).

*clothing items purchased when on sale // hat $10 // blouse $15 // denim $30

Barbara Bush, John Travolta, Florence Nightingale, and Me.

As it turns out, I have something in common with Barbs, John, and Flo. While sitting in the Tattered Cover the other day, I decided to take the Enneagram personality test. Studying Psychology in school, there is part of me that loves diving into personality tests, both for a greater self awareness, and also to grasp insight to why others are the way they are. After taking the test, my answers placed me as a distinct Number Two. "The Helper" the book tells me, is my personality level (just as Barbs, John, and Flo were all Twos). And before jumping on the wagon fully, I quickly made Matt take the test. I figured that if mine seemed accurate, and his as well (for the most part) in describing those main traits so distinct to each of our cores, then I could read more about our so called Numbers and go from there. And as it turns out, his was pretty spot on as well. So I continued to read...

I still don't like getting completely caught up in a book telling me who I am, but I think there is a lot to say about these personality tests that have been refined over hundreds of years. This is what the Enneagram says about Number Twos, or "The Helpers":

"You want to be appealing, giving, caring and heartfelt. More importantly, you want to be needed, considered important and appreciated for your efforts. You would like others to see you as empathetic, supportive and altruistic. Your idealized image is that you are a loving and helpful person...

You have a warm, sociable and enthusiastic personality... Relationship orientated, you reach out to others and are often the first one to lend a hand. A good listener, you focus on the needs and concerns of others. You usually know what people need and feel, and enjoy taking on the kind of role where you can show your giving and generous nature...

Secretly, you can feel needy and vulnerable feeling that you must earn the right to be loved. Avoiding a deep sense of loneliness, you find ways to connect to and be of service to others. You have an innate sense of what to say or do to make people feel seen and admired...you like to do special things for people and surprise them with unexpected gifts. You take note of others’ desires and try to fulfill them. You take pride in your ability to comfort and support others.

You find it gratifying to be of service and are drawn to people that have power and influence. You enjoy being the power behind the throne and make yourself appealing by being indispensable. Always ready to be helpful, others often depend on you...and value interpersonal relationships above all else. Your extraordinary insight about what people need and your ability to create mutual trust and affinity are rare gifts. You love to be instrumental in helping others achieve their full potential."

Each personality description gets super in depth about all aspects of life. Chapter upon chapter you could read, and analyze, and gain insight. But I am still a bit skeptical. I read the overview, so who knows what more there is that is actually me. Also, this description of a Number Two seems super flattering when I read it, but when I read about my personality type at its lows, what to avoid, and my "weaknesses", ugh-scary! But on the other hand, it's actually a bit strange reading a description that hits the target so closely. Even the weaknesses are pretty true. Reading the descriptions, Matt fell in line also--with a Number 3, "The Achiever." I want to read more about the relationship across personalities, and see what it has to say. I'm a bit wary, though. I want to make sure what I am reading isn't all just fluff but actually true tests that psychologists use, and have deemed appropriate. I know Enneagrams have been used over centuries, but I'm still hesitant; as with anything that I haven't truly looked into deep enough. So I have to ask: what do you think about these personality tests? Have you ever figured out your Enneagram Number? 

Autumn Wishing List

Even frugal girls have wish lists. So here is mine. If I were to pick a few things that would fit into the season and my current style, both for wearing and decorating, these are what you'd find me wishing for.

one // Oh this bag! Madewell gets me.

two // West Elm trophy hooks from the New Heritage Collection.

three // Furniture Makeovers (I've flipped through this book so many times I really should just get it at this point...)

four // What's not to love about this Corduroy puffer vest at Anthro? (I shouldn't have tried it on the other day...I really didn't want to take it off!)

five // Patterned headband trio (those prints!)

six // This pillow cover from West Elm (the chartreuse and heathered grey speak for themselves).

Oh Football, What I Never Knew

Football. It is like a foreign country that I never had a ticket to or a tour guide to show me the ins and outs of. But after marrying a man who gets his mind wrapped into stats and fantasy teams, I've had to pack my suitcase and venture to this land, and learn the ways of the culture and the excitement. And if I am completely honest, I would tell you that I never understood it. I never understood why football was such a big deal. I never understood, but I never lived in a town with a professional football team--ahem, Los Angeles. You see, I grew up near a city where cars out number people, or so it seemed on certain days while inching along on freeways. I grew up near a city where walking to sporting events, catching the light rail, or riding your bike was just crazy to think of. I grew up near a city where there was more conversation about shows at the Hollywood Bowl, movie premiers, and the Rose Bowl Flea. I grew up near a city where professional football only existed on television, or in stadiums far far away. So all the other aspects that make the community and camaraderie of the sport come alive, and the city light up on game day--well, they were non existent to me...

Football was like a foreign country, and then I moved to Denver. Where even the trees turn orange because, well, its Bronco country. And I'm learning that football is quite enjoyable. I really underestimated it, or perhaps just never gave it a chance. But I'm getting it, and Matt is teaching me (ever so patiently as I have asked about downs and points and rules more than any normal person). Football, live football, is so much about the process. The morning downtown leading up to game time. The walk to the train and the vendors on the trek in. The families, couples, and number one fans all mixed together, in a sea of orange. The bag of kettle con passed down the seats and back again. The singing of our nation's anthem. High-fiving complete strangers. Its something I never really knew football to be. And really, its more than the sport--it's the way this city loves each other when there is a game. The sound of excitement and the thrill that you hear all weekend long. This might not be new to you, but I've never experienced that before. Until Denver, I've never truly known football--and now, slowly, my heart might be changing. I started as a tourist in this new land, and now I may decide to stay awhile, to become--dare I say it--a traveler with the desire to know the ins and outs of football as if I were a local.

Go Broncos!

Autumn Walking

She greets me

Warm hues against crisp air

Fallen leaves, crunching

Scattered beneath 

Boots stepping, geese waddling

Autumn finds me here

She greets me

With still ponds 

Soon turning icy

Snowfalls melting, not too quickly

Aspens fluttering, elk bucking

Autumn finds me here

She greets me

Where harvest's ending

While life's shifting

Flannel's warming and pie is baking

Full moon's glowing 

With barn doors swaying

She greets me

As Autmn's walking here 

photo via tumblr

The Screen In Front Of You And Me

I'm going to ask you a question. You may avoid asking yourself this question for fear of what your answer might shine light on. But its important to answer it. Why do you watch what you watch? When it comes to television and film, what is it that you are watching, and why are you watching it?

Everyone has their stance on media. And everyone has their own feelings about having cable television. And whether you choose to have cable or not, that isn't where this question is going. Because really, even without cable t.v., there is Netflix and an array of other ways to get shows whenever you want them. (It seems like every 173 days Matt and I have the conversation about whether or not cable needs to come in or stay out. Currently, it has been staying out.)

But its important to ask yourself the question. And after you ask it, the door might open to other questions. Like this one that slammed me straight on as I was thinking about a recent show Matt and I just started watching. Am I watching a show because it won awards, and I was told that it is the best in television cinematography, editing, and character development? Am I watching a show because everyone is saying "this show, you've just gotta watch it"? Is that why? Is there something else I could be watching, or instead just choose to turn if off --gasp-- entirely?

So what if the storyline, plot, and the lives of the characters in what we watch conflict with the choices and morals we hold with high esteem in real life? What if what we watch completely misaligns with our lives and what we want to have filling up our time, or even more importantly, our minds? I'm just going to name a few: Dexter. Breaking Bad. Orange is the New Black, Gossip Girl. Real Housewives. etc.  (PS, I'm totally guilty of watching if not a little to a lot of many of these shows--and yes we can still be friends if one of these are your favorites!). I may be an exception to the norm, and overly sensitive to the things I watch and allow myself to get wrapped up in when it comes to television--but even if that is 100% true, and I am a little bit weighted to one side in my opinion, is it not still important to be a little  more tuned in to ourselves about the things we tune on?

So ask yourself. Why are you watching what you are watching? What is on that screen in front of you? As a movie lover, I don't like to ask it myself. I don't like asking it because it causes me to turn off shows that are otherwise thrilling and perhaps a bit uncomfortable and are made to draw me in. But for me, it is important to answer honestly and translate the answer--do I keep watching, or do I not? 

Living a life with intention, and being mindful about the choices we make, are often superseded by things like television. Blatant fact. I'm guilty. You're guilty. Truth be told. But I don't want things that are meaningless to hold more weight in my life than life itself--you know? That is why its important to ask the question. And not just this particular question, and not just with television, but with everything. 

Some more food for thought over here >>What squeezes out of your life? 

photo via Pinterest