Sometimes, anxiety is a full on battle of the mind. I first wrote about my untold story, my battle with anxiety, here. In the process of recovering from and overcoming anxiety, if thoughts are not corralled or paid attention to, the flick of a switch can bring on the tightening of the chest and panic that turns into an attack. The mind defaults to worry, if not intentionally lead to focus on the opposite: on things that are good and true. Anxiety is a battle of the mind, and I mean literally.
Part of my personality is that I think best when I am alone. While I enjoy being with others, I recharge my energy best and feel most myself when I have significant alone time each day to focus and get "in the zone"--whether while doing concrete productive tasks like running, swimming, blogging, writing, reading, gardening--this is simply how I work. Because I am wired this way, and because I think best and process fully when just me, in my alone time it is vital that I set aside time to dwell on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. When I do dwell on these things in my alone time, through time with God, reflection, engaging in God's word, prayer, or just thinking about those things while I run, swim, garden, etc, I am better. Anxiety almost diminishes. When I have alone time to dwell on those things, I am well prepared to face those moments when anxiety likes to build up. I am prepared for battle. On the opposite end, when alone time is gone, and time to think about these things is stripped away, then my mind and heart are not equipped to fight.
Anxiety is tricky. It doesn't just disappear overnight. It takes time to unravel years of a built up way of dealing with things. It takes small triumphs and failures to work through any broken way of thinking. I wish I could write out the steps I am taking, with details on defeating the monster. But honestly, all I know right now is that meeting with God each morning, having set aside alone time to equip my mind and heart with true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable things, and using all of that to battle in times of worry are working. My anxiety is lessening. It's still a battle, especially when seriously feeling like a breakdown is just a moment away (choosing to dwell on other thoughts can seem pretty impossible when in a state of close panic and built up worry). But God is teaching me its not impossible. And I believe it. I believe that one day I will overcome it.
How freeing it is, friends, to have full confidence that one day I will be panic attack free.
I am writing today as part of the Love Yourself Linkup--an ongoing series that will focus on topics such as self worth and body image. A community of woman will talk about our thoughts on these subjects, tell stories of our personal experience, share what has inspired us, challenged us, and more. Learn more over at Anne the Adventurer and read Anne's post today on writing and being true to herself--over here.
It is so amazing that God is continuing to heal you and use this for you to rely on Him. It is freeing to know that it's not in your hands but His!
ReplyDeleteLauren, what cool God timing is our new blogging friendship. I've recently recognized that anxiety is something I struggle with (even though it's been something that I've ignored for years). Do you have any specific passages besides the one in today's post that are your go-to's when you are feeling anxious. Quiet time in the mornings with God is helping heal me as well. Our God is so comforting, healing, and amazing!
ReplyDeletehttp://agodfashionedlife.com
First of all—is that your handwriting? Because I have major penmanship envy if it is!
ReplyDeleteSecond, what a beautiful post. Thanks for being vulnerable and open about the things you're dealing with. Though I don't battle anxiety to the degree that you've described, it certainly has taken a hold of me from time to time. This is a good reminder to dwell on the good rather than let the bad overwhelm us and inhibit us from being the people we're meant to be.
May that day come soon.
ReplyDeleteYes! :)
ReplyDeleteIt is my handwriting!Penmanship envy, ha, I actually get that too with all the Darling fonts ;) And thank you for your encouragement, Natalie, it means so much.
ReplyDeleteLast year, I started medication to get underneath my anxiety so I can try to start doing the work of recovery without being completely drowned out in anxiety all the time. It helped so much, and I got to a point earlier this year where I went off the meds. Now, I'm wrestling with how to cope with the still present anxiety, even though it is lessened, without meds but instead, with the tools I've learned in treatment. I'm finding patterns and triggers to my anxiety, and am learning how to approach them differently. it's been really hard, but really good. Thanks for this post! It was a good reminder.
ReplyDeleteSuch truth and desire for goodness always comes to mind when I read that verse. I grew up with Philippians 4:8. It really does bring you back to a place on what to focus on, in the most gentle and loving of ways. Thanks so much for sharing!
ReplyDeleteWhat a perfect verse to grow up focusing on. I bet you could share a lot of life experiences where Philippians centered you where you might have gone astray :) Thanks for reading, Ashlee!
ReplyDelete